I was born a highly sensitive intuitive child with a strong curiosity and love for life. I was quiet and observant, always choosing to spend my time outside among the plants and animals rather than with other kids. I had a loving family that supported my creativity and freedom, even when that meant turning the garden into a mud pit so I could pretend to be an African elephant taking a mud bath. I loved my peaceful carefree outdoor world and had a hard time leaving that security behind when I went to school.
Kindergarten was my first experience of being with large groups of kids. I quickly learned I was different....very different and did not fit in well. Being
highly sensitive I was very much connected to my intuitive empathic gifts (being able to feel and sense what others couldn't). I could feel the energy and emotions of everyone around me. All the anxiety of the children overwhelmed me terribly. It didn't help that my kindergarten teacher was an angry person and we had to take the brunt of her raging temper. Lets just say at 5 years old, being put in a dark closet as punishment for speaking my truth, changed the way I viewed the world and myself forever. I learned what it meant to live in survival mode and shut down emotionally.
I spent the rest of my childhood separating myself from my spiritual gifts trying desperately to be "normal" and fit in with my peers. It did little good as I continued to endure daily bullying and teasing into high school. My sense of self-worth and self-love continued to fade away as I strived to be everything everyone said I should be.... well behaved, straight A student, emotionally controlled... the perfect child. The stress from living in survival mode for so long and the unrealistic expectations I put on myself to be perfect finally broke my body down and I was diagnosed with autoimmune ulcerative colitis at 17 years old.
My early adult life was spent suffering with illness, depression and a belief system that was so far from who I truly am. For 15 years I tried everything under the sun to fix my body and get rid of the disease. I became a Holistic Nutritionist always searching for the right diet and latest research that would heal my body once and for all. I did find a lot of relief through the nutrition route and have loved helping many others along the way. However, lasting healing for myself was still out of reach. I finally got to the point where I was tired of trying to fix my body and manage all the stuff in my life I didn't like. I remember the night I gave up, crumpled on the floor sobbing, drained of any fight I had left. I surrendered to the universe. I was ready to stop everything I was doing outside of myself and listen to my heart.
I asked myself.... "What if this disease isn't just bad luck? What if my body isn't betraying me, or broken, or malfunctioning?
Then.......How is this disease helping me?"
The answer that came from within was that my body was showing me where healing was needed. I had swallowed down all my emotions from childhood to stop feeling the pain and now my diseased gut was showing me what needed to be felt and released.
I slowly started embracing the parts of me I tried so hard to deny and bury forever. I allowed the fear and anger to come to the surface, like beach balls I had been holding under water. It was dizzying allowing myself to fully feel once again. I welcomed back my loving, empathic, spiritually aware self that I had shut away so long ago. Over the course of a couple months I felt immensely better emotionally, and then one day I realized my body had healed as well. I actually didn't believe my body could heal so fast after being diseased for so long, so I had a colonoscopy to confirm what I had known.
I now have a strong sense of who I am and live freely as my authentic self. My being an empath makes me very sensitive to energy and the emotions of others around me. I find I often have a clear knowing of what others are feeling, even when they aren't yet aware themselves. I now use my experiences with illness, emotional turmoil, and reclaiming my authentic self to help others who are going through the same kind of situations. I love to talk, teach and write about the metaphysical perspective to life and my healing journey, inspiring others to discover their authentic selves and love for life. You are not alone!
I live with my husband, 2 children, cat and snakes outside of
When I am not writing and teaching I can often be found volunteering at the Arizona-Sonora Desert Museum in Tucson Arizona, flying the birds of prey in the Raptor Free Flight shows or taking an art class at the Art Institute. I maintain that special place in my heart for nature, animals and creativity.