A Page From My Journal #2
The concept of self-acceptance has been a major theme throughout my whole life. I learned early on that if I didn’t look or behave in a certain way I was not worthy of others love. Of course, I wasn’t aware that this was at the root of my grief until I was in my 30’s. Most of us buy into this illusion to some degree and that is okay because we all have the ability to turn that around and when we do the sweetness of self-acceptance and self-love is even greater than if we hadn’t turned away from ourselves at all.
Excerpt from my journal March 30th 2013
“So the other day I mentioned how social events are hard for me because I just don't have anything to talk about. I'm much more aligned with deep meaningful conversations and really getting to know a person. I don't care much for small talk. If I can't talk about metaphysics, cross stitching or nutrition then my mind goes blank.
I went to a kids b-day party at pump it up this morning and decided I would forget about socializing and just play with the kids. Well that worked great until 5min in I was so winded and wiped out I had to sit down. I saw one of the moms in the corner looking kinda down so I decided to just sit next to her and see how she was doing. Well within about 6 min of talking with her I decided to answer one of her questions completely honestly and openly and she totally perked up. I started talking about metaphysics, cause that is what I really enjoy and was talking about my journey right now of healing my body through releasing my suppressed emotions. In the past I would have never eluded to the fact that my body was even ill let alone that I have any emotional issues.
She started crying right then and there and told me that her family also sees their medicine man over doctors and participates in energy healing practices. She was thanking me through her sobs for being so open with her as she has felt so alone with her spiritual beliefs and would have never opened up to someone she didn't know like I had just done with her. We talked about fears and mostly the fear of being rejected if we show our true selves. Then I talked about power and unconditional love and how all this work I have been doing on myself has helped me to become more powerful and secure with who I really am and little by little I'm being more authentic and loving myself by trusting that I will be okay whether others accept me or not. By this time 2 other moms had overheard and were eager to listen and share their stories. It was fantastic!
Today I felt very secure and peaceful when I left the house and I went to that party with the intention of just being me whether I try to socialize or not and I attracted the very kind of social interactions I love. Metaphysical conversations where everyone who joins my group feels the love and openness to let their guard down. It was so uplifting and energizing. I would have never expected this to happen at pump it up and this was the first time I've gone to a social event and not felt completely drained afterwards. I did however loose my voice as I talked for a straight hour and 45min over loud music =)
I have to also say that Andy (my husband) was smiling as he kept checking in on me at the party because usually I'm the quiet one in the corner and all he has ever wanted me to do is be myself and let my guard down.”
Love & Light, Lexi