- Lexi Stead
A Page From My Journal #3
This excerpt is from my journal entry on April 11th 2014
"I always thought when I turn 18 i'm outta my parents house and finally free to be an adult. No one ever told me that my inner child was going to come with me and hold onto the patterns I picked up as a kid and therefore influence every bit of my life. If I had a free, secure, balanced inner child this adulthood would have been fun and a breeze, i think. But no it feels like I have a stubborn, unbalanced inner child with very foggy glasses that have caused me to view the world as this unfair place without freedom and the more I try to break free the more she screams and throws tantrums. I say I want to have more peace and balance in life and every time I take a step towards that my inner child screams " Stop it isn't safe you have never been free to make your own choices and feel secure so we can't start doing that now."
Well I hear her more clearly than I ever did before. Before, trying to be more balanced in my life just caused great anxiety and I had no idea why or where it came from. I'm still demanding to be more balanced and now I'm bombarded with anger that flashes over me every time I step out of my comfort zone. I used to resist the anger or just blow up and continue to be stuck in anger in many situations. Now I'm allowing the anger to be there and reassuring my inner child that it is okay to be angry and she has every right to be angry, as I am forcing her out of her comfort zone. I'm challenging her to face the anger, feel it and let it move through.
I have many tools to pull from my box to help me with this and the one I used tonight was a visualization called energetic cord cutting. I basically imagine cords connected to different chakras where I feel the emotions of that inner child and I cut the energetic cords, releasing the hold that little child has on me and allowing her to evolve to a higher good. This is amazingly effective and can often take me from flashing anger to lasting peace.
I am moving forward one step at a time as I am no longer that angry, stuck, hurt little child that had to do what she was told. I am in fact an adult with a very different life, who IS FREE to live how I want. Everyone has an inner child that wants to be heard and evolve. Some are louder than others. Some are more distressed than others. Taking time to listen to what that inner child is saying is one way to love ourselves and take a step towards becoming the adults we truly want to be."
Love & Light, Lexi