“How am I supposed to love myself?”
“What does it mean to have a sense of self-worth?”
“What does it mean that it is within me, not something I can go out and find?”
“I’m pretty sure if I had self-worth and self-love already within I wouldn’t be asking these questions!!!”
“Can anyone give me THE answer???? Like now, please???”
The ability to love unconditionally, accept ourselves, and know how special we are is one of the most innate natural things we came here already doing. Yet self-worth can be the most confusing to those of us who spent a great deal of time buying into the illusion of separation. For someone just starting the path back to their authentic selves, back to living their truth, how to begin to love and accept yourself can be a confusing painful twisted riddle that seems to be always out of reach.
“Just look within, they say!”
“It is already inside of you, they say!”
“You won’t get it from anyone or anything. You have to cultivate it on this inward journey of discovery, they say!”
I was one of those people who felt totally and utterly lost, confused and angry at all those spiritual mentors that gave me answers that made no sense.
So, what did I do? I struggled. I fought. I screamed and kicked at the invisible wall that was obviously between me and my happiness.
One day I dropped the kids off at my mom’s house and on the way home I had a break down. No, not the car, my sanity.
So, I did what anyone would do in that moment. I pulled over into a Walmart parking lot, hopped in the back of the van and sobbed so deep I thought I would turn inside out. I gave up the fight. I got out of my way and I surrendered to the frustration of feeling so lost.
I sat in the back of that hot sweaty van, with my wet cheeks and puffy eyes repeating, “What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do? How can I feel better?”
And then it came to me.... Google!!!
I mean that is where only everyone goes to find answers, right? I can’t believe I hadn’t thought of this before. I should google “How to Build Self-Worth!”
With renewed sense of hope, I typed in my search.
That was the day everything shifted.
I was trying so hard before to gain something I thought I had lost. Now, that I had gotten out of my way I allowed google to help me. Well, I allowed my intuition to bring the idea of googling “How to Build Self-Worth” to mind and it felt so easy and better to follow.
I read the first article to come up and to this day it is still bookmarked on my phone. I haven’t looked at it in about 4 years, but it is still reassuring to know that I already have the answers I thought I had to seek. Not because they are on my phone, but because I manifested the right website at the right time that gave me just the ideas I was needing.
I admit.... I am now one of those spiritual mentors that also gives answers that sometimes make no sense. They make no sense because they aren't logical, they are metaphysical. Initially we try to use our logic to figure out and analyze what we are supposed to do, step by step, to just fix ourselves already. There is no step by step recipe for healing. It isn’t one fix for all and there is no end goal where we can check Spiritually Healed off our list.
This is what it is to walk your spiritual path, to be on your inner journey, to discover your answers from within. It is about allowing the universe to do the heavy lifting and following what feels better, even if it is having a tantrum in a Walmart parking lot before you finally surrender. It doesn’t matter how those answers come to you. When you stop trying so hard to make something happen, when you stop trying to resist where you are at, you finally see the self-love and self-worth that was with you all along.
Love & Light,
Lexi